Get Over It and Move On

Posted on Nov 1, 2012 in Blog |

Get Over It and Move On

People are often told to get over it or move on. For most people this means ignoring or forgetting about the problem. Sometimes this strategy works, but as many as 1 in 4 of us find it impossible to do at some time in our life. So what can you do, if you find yourself in this position?

One of the strategies that can help is to talk it through with someone. Other strategies that many people use include: putting on a brave face; burying your head in the sand and hoping it will just go away; blaming yourself; getting angry with others, the situation, or the world in general; hiding away; or finding something that numbs it out, including alcohol.

At the point where you know something isn’t quite right you might be having some of the following symptoms:

  • Sleep difficulties
  • Fatigue/lethargy
  • Irritability
  • Headaches
  • Worrying
  • Depression/feeling low
  • Inability to concentrate
  • Forgetfulness
  • Inability to cope
  • Feeling isolated

Sometimes other people start to notice and ask if you are OK. Sometimes they offer advice, including suggesting that you talk to someone. So, why would talking to someone help? After all, it can’t change your situation or how you feel…… or can it? People who share their problems with others benefit from:

  • Getting support: Having someone who will listen, try to understand, and will be kind and caring.
  • Expression: Telling someone and putting your feelings into words.
  • Forming a narrative: Putting events, feelings, and situations into an order, that starts to make sense.
  • Reflecting: Having to explain it to someone else, helps you to be curious, and ask questions.
  • Gaining perspective: Getting someone else’s point of view, helps you work out where you stand.
  • Understanding: When you understand why you feel the way you do, you can start to make positive changes.
  • Strategies: Finding other ways of coping, thinking, or doing things, that makes you feel better.

Many people turn to family and friends, who can be a great source of support. However sometimes they can be part of the problem, or maybe you don’t want them to talk to them for any number of reasons. Using the resources of a professional counsellor is a practical alternative.

So if you want to get over it and move on, start talking.

(Source: ONS Psychiatric Morbidity 2001)

  • According to figures from the ONS 2000 survey investigating psychiatric morbidity among adults in Great Britain, mixed anxiety and depression has remained the most common form of mental distress for a seven year period. Between 1993 and 2000 the number of affected adults in Britain rose by 1.4 per cent from 7.8 per cent in 1993 to 9.2 per cent in 2000.
  • According to a study conducted by the Office for National Statistics (ONS), back in 2000 mixed anxiety and depression affected an estimated 7 per cent of men, with depression affecting a further 2 per cent. Though this study and various others have documented a higher prevalence of depression among women, others have suggested that depression is equally common in both sexes, but women are diagnosed and treated twice as often.
  • There are many factors which contribute to the lower diagnosis rate of depression within men, the first of which is failure to recognise the symptoms. Naturally we tend to associate feeling low and emotional for prolonged periods of time with symptoms of depression, but for many men these aren’t actually the primary symptoms. Many men who are suffering may be instead experiencing an entirely different set of symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, irritability and feelings of isolation.
  • Others will recognise that something is wrong but will choose to suppress or mask their symptoms for fear of the stigma attached to mental illness, or because they are not used to being open about the way they feel.
  • There has been various suggestions as to why the suicide rate is higher among men, many of which have touched on their reluctance to discuss problems or express their feelings, resulting in a reduced likelihood of them consulting a GP or seeking help. It is also thought that various social factors such as education, employment and family relationships could have an affect, more details of which can be found in Social Influences and Mental Health.
  • In a study conducted by the ONS it was found that individuals aged between 60 and 74 who were divorced and separated had the highest prevalence of mental disorders, affecting around 19 per cent of women and 17 per cent of men. In contrast, being single was associated with a low prevalence in both sexes and interestingly being married was associated with a low prevalence of mental disorders in men (7 per cent) but a higher prevalence (12 per cent) among women.
  • In the 2009 Samaritans’ report Young Men Speak Out, the attitudes of young males in the UK were explored and it was revealed that macho stereotyping meant that young men were reluctant to ask for help and were more likely to use violence and anti-social behaviour to express themselves rather then telling someone how they felt. Older men also experience some specific hormonal, physiological and chemical changes. This is sometimes referred to as the male menopause, and is also known as viropause or andropause. These changes begin generally between the ages of 40 and 55, though they can occur as early as 35 or as late as 65, and can affect all aspects of a man’s life, including their mental health.

Susanna Brown is a qualified and experienced Counsellor and Coach in private practice on King Street in Manchester City Centre 07594 704 204